Alcoholism and Eating Disorders in Men – A Guest Blog

As we’ve seen a rise in alcoholism and eating disorders in men, we asked a dear friend to write about his experience. Justin is not just a man in recovery, but an athlete, lawyer and writer living in New England. He’s also a longtime friend of Surfside leadership and was stoked to write about navigating addiction recovery through a co-occurring lens.

Was I a Binge-Eater, an Alcoholic, or just a Weak Person?

“Pain now, pleasure later” was my life’s hammering priciple.

“But maybe I’m not an alcoholic. I care more about going to the gym and what I eat than what I drink.” The tattooed, crystal-necklace wearing man (who would become my sponsor) just stared at me.

It was my first recovery meeting, and I was trying to explain why I didn’t belong there.

“My real drug of choice?” I continued. White, crystalized, powdered, and preferably red dyed and fruity. Since I was a little boy, I was hooked. Feeling perpetually inadequate, I grew up trying to manage my life by managing my dumbbells and my protein intake. In high school, I focused on the upswing: more creatine, more reps, more split sessions at the gym, and more solitude. In college, the upswing turned into a pendulum. Life was a dizzying seesaw between “healthy” weeks of salad and chicken, followed by “bad” weekends of beer pong and late-night cheesesteaks. My solution was to restrict the bad things, like whiskey and carbs. I can deprive myself of just about anything. Pain now, pleasure later was my life’s hammering principle. That led to even more uncontrollable binging on vending machine candy—usually done after midnight, like a sad, muscly Gremlin with stretch marks, jacked up on Twix bars and Pixy Stix.

Whether it was mostly powdered donuts, occasionally powdered Adderall, another shopping spree or internet porn, everything led me back to drinking—and my real drug of no choice: control. My insanity was thinking I could control the good phases versus the bad ones. That I could starve myself for two or three days after a spree of binging on “________” and not end up in another cycle.

Eventually the pattern revealed the truth. Powerlessness is real. I don’t blame anyone either. I take responsibility for my choices. With my sponsor’s help, I finally made my final choice. Either God is or isn’t. What else was my alternative?

Today I am no longer bound by the things I consume. I am spiritually awake. Upon awakening, I pray, meditate . . . and eat a damn breakfast! Because yes, I still like to maintain my physical fitness—but always second to my spiritual condition. 

interested in reading more from Justin?

You can sign up for his once-monthly newsletter here, or visit his website to learn more about his memoir. He has candid conversations about men’s mental health, particularly alcoholism and eating disorders in men. These conversations are filled with humor and vulnerability – a reminder that you are not alone.