Our Intervention was Successful – What’s Next?

Our Intervention was Successful – What’s Next?

At Surfside, we speak to many families who see their loved one’s admission to a treatment center or mental health program as the “finish line.” A common misconception is that an intervention was successful if a person accepted help.  But as professionals, we think it’s important that every family understands that admitting to the program marks the beginning of a journey towards recovery, not the end! 

An intervention is simply a set of loving boundaries that can encourage a person to do something different.  Post-intervention, families need to be prepared that their loved one’s attitude will likely shift. Let’s unpack why a person may be irritable in the first few weeks/months of recovery, and how the family can take care of themselves through the process.

Admission to treatment is the beginning, not the end!

In many of our past articles, we’ve shared that substance use may feel like it’s the cause of all our problems… but for someone using drugs/alcohol, substances also offer a solution. Whether they’re self-medicating feelings of fear, anxiety, trauma, abandonment, grief, low self-esteem, or 1,000 other challenging emotions, substances create an effect. And that effect often feels like a temporary solution to their problems.

In the first few weeks or months of entering treatment, people who were initially willing (or at least broken enough to accept help) often experience big emotions.  Even if someone is in the “best” or “perfect” program, it’s likely that they’ll want to crawl out of their own skin. It is not reasonable to think your loved one is going to enjoy and “buy in” to every aspect of early recovery.

The most pivotal part of the process is not the moment in an intervention where your loved one accepts the gift of help.  It’s the first few weeks, when you remember the boundaries you set to honor your peace, your family’s peace, and your loved one’s journey to health. If we backpedal here, we’ve dismantled the entire intervention process!

Early Recovery means Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

Getting sober is really hard. We’re not just fixing the life we had – we’re building an entirely new life.  New perspectives, new coping mechanisms, new ways of interacting with people we love AND people we can’t stand. 

Substance Use Disorder is a complex mental health condition, and often co-occurs with other mental illnesses. Nobody expects cancer to be cured after the first week of chemotherapy, and we need to carry that mindset into this medical condition. 

It’s also uncomfortable for the family.  You’ve been afraid of losing your loved one, and you’re constantly in fear that they’ll be upset and therefore unreachable.  Fear has ruled your family system for a long time. This is an opportunity to let the professionals take the reigns.

Loving Someone and Rescuing Someone are not the same.

This doesn’t need a lot of explanation. How can we show love without trying to “rescue” and solve every problem for someone we love? Life will be uncomfortable with or without substances – it has been for you, right? 

Here’s our chance to help someone we love develop grit, tenacity, and the ability to advocate for themselves. It’s not easy, but it’s a necessary tool in life. It will be far more fulfilling to watch someone you love walk through life’s challenges with their head held high, and later share their experience with someone else who feels hopeless or defeated.

Be an Advocate, Not a Punching Bag.

You can absolutely be a part of the recovery journey with your family member. In fact, research shows that outcomes are improved when the entire family is engaged in the recovery process! But there is a delicate balance between advocating for the person you love, and being the recipient of all their negative energy.  Here’s one piece of advice we give to families: you don’t have to answer every phone call.  If every interaction you have in the first few weeks or months leaves you feeling emotionally drained, you have the right to let your phone ring to voicemail.  You have the right to not read a text the moment it’s delivered.  

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves a simple question: Would I let a romantic partner speak to me the way I’m letting this family member speak to me?

Boundaries Support my Mental Health.

Boundaries are not a punishment for someone not doing exactly what we want them to do – we cannot change anyone else.  But we can change ourselves and how we react to situations that upset us.  

We can also set a boundary without announcing it. For example, a mom who attends our weekly family group has a personal boundary that she does not answer her phone when she’s in a family support meeting. That’s the time for her recovery, and it’s only one hour that she’s not available. To her credit, she knows that there are 167 OTHER hours in a week, and she deserves an uninterrupted hour to experience a loving community.