Ugh, My Son is in Rehab During a Holiday – Now What?!

Ugh, My Son is in Rehab During a Holiday – Now What?!

Whether it’s Fourth of July or Thanksgiving, we know how it feels to say, “Ugh, My son is in rehab during a holiday.” We get it. Perhaps there’s a part of you that feels sad for him because his experience looks different than his peers.  Maybe you’re feeling a sense of relief that he’s safe and accounted for. And sometimes, you might not know WHAT you’re feeling!  Let’s talk through how you can enjoy the present moment when your son is in rehab during a holiday.

Don’t Discount the Value of Community.

Take this moment to pause and reflect on what drew your family to Surfside. For many parents, the community and camaraderie appealed to you.  Addiction and mental illness thrive in isolation, and community can be a powerful antidote for this loneliness.

A lot of men at Surfside would notoriously drink/use, and then spend hours on their phone. They’d watch their peers post online, and wonder why their life looked so boring/grim in comparison. This creates a toxic, lonely cycle. They see someone’s curated social media presence, compare it to their own life, and ruminate on self-deprecating thoughts. 

If your son is in rehab during a holiday, we’re going to seize the opportunity to build a sober history. Many of our guys associate the summer holidays (Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day) with war stories and partying. This is our opportunity to have an entirely new experience with the folks walking shoulder to shoulder with us on the recovery journey.  Games and activities on the beach with healthy friends. A grueling but empowering CrossFit workout. Fireworks in Ventnor or a family style dinner. Although there may be emotional highs and lows, they are having the experience they’ve craved – one where they feel a part of something bigger.

In adulthood, we have to learn to walk through uncomfortable moments. It’s part of life.  The ability to do that in a loving sober community offers a safe experience with tons of wraparound support. 

Sometimes You’re Just a Sounding Board.

Take a look at your family dynamic for a moment.  Are you usually the person who fields your child’s complaints and proposes solutions? Do you usually jump in when there’s a problem? If you honestly assess your relationship, you may find that this is your reality (even if it happened inadvertently).

Your son probably isn’t in the habit of journaling when challenges arise. If he hasn’t built a network yet, you’re likely going to be the one who fields his calls when times get rough. And in early recovery, things will be difficult. We’re asking someone to change everything about their life, and to do it alongside other men. There will be discomfort, agitation, frustration, and big emotions. 

There’s often an increase in these calls when your son is in rehab during a holiday. This might be your son’s first time sober for the Fourth of July. Maybe it’s the third summer in a row that he finds himself in treatment. Let this be your reminder that you don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings – in fact, most people don’t! Live in the moment. Be where your feet are. That’s what we tell your son, and it’s our advice to you.  

If your son is agitated or struggling, view this as an opportunity for him to advocate for himself.  Ask him what action he’s taken – who did he speak with about this problem? Our support staff is here precisely for these instances, so encourage him to lean on them for accountability and guidance.

Pause When Agitated or Doubtful

The tools we share with your son are tools for you too!  In Surfside’s morning meditation, each day we read the following passage:

“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.” – Pages 87-88, AA Big Book.

It’s in our nature to be reactive, especially when our child’s mental health or well-being feels at risk.  This is your invitation to pause when you’re stressed, fearful or overwhelmed.  Remember the tools we’ve shared with you since your first phone call to Surfside. You are not in this process alone, nor is your son.  

If your son is in rehab during a holiday, breathe. There is true freedom on the other side of everything we’re afraid of – we just have to walk through the fear, one step at a time.